


Helpless

by WantsToFlyAfraidToFall



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Temporary Amnesia, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:48:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25482673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WantsToFlyAfraidToFall/pseuds/WantsToFlyAfraidToFall
Summary: Carter wakes up in a cold, white room, covered in gruesome cuts and bruises and not able to remember anything more than his own name. This is a story about a man figuring out who he is, a lover trying to fix the unfix-able, a love doomed to fail, and how a broken person handles his past.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	1. Shambles

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: VIOLENT AND GRAPHIC TORTURE SCENES
> 
> I wrote this for a friend one chapter at a time to help get me writing everyday. I will post frequently and each chapter is around 1k. 
> 
> Enjoy and thanks for reading!

Carter's eyes flew open. All he could see was white. He tried to move his head, pain coursed through his body. His short, shallow breaths became sharp inhales followed by gurgly coughs that lit his nerves on fire.

_ It's so fucking COLD and it HURTS! _

_ Where even am I? _

_ Ah, I'm on the floor. Red and white tiled floor? Why is there-- _

_ Blood? _

_ Why is their blood and where am I and why do I hurt so much? _

He tried to move again. Carter started slow, wiggling his fingers. He dragged his arm away from his side to where he could see it then let it slide back. It left a smear of blood across the white tiles. He started to slowly move his arms and legs, making a bloody snow angel on the cold floor.

After squirming around on the blood slick floor for a moment, his bare foot caught hold. His bare thighs shook and his ribs clicked together as he pushed himself against the wall, sliding up into a slouchy sitting position.

His breathing was loud, ragged and painful. The throbbing in Carter's head made his eyes feel like they were going to burst out of his skull. His body ached, burned, stung, and in some places, was completely numb.

He let his chin fall to his chest so he could see his body. Bruises rode up both his sides and covered his ribs which seemed to no longer take the cylindrical shape a rib cage should, but had bumps and points where his bones had moved out of place and pushed against his skin from the inside.

Cuts covered the top of his left shin as if someone was trying to etch fur onto his body. The blood from the cuts was no longer flowing but was clumped up in rust brown and black scabs.

A large line of burnt flesh and blood ran from his right hip down to his knee. It looked like it had been a large cut that was cauterized with fire by someone who clearly wanted to do more harm while stopping the large gash.

Blood was smeared across the floor from when he was trying to move around. Larger pools were slowly making their way to the drain while the rest just stained the tile.

A click came from across the room. Carter lifted his chin off his chest and brought his head up to meet whoever was coming in. His head wobbled like a bowl balanced on the end of a stick. His eyes landed on a thin but well built girl grinning down at him, eyes twinkling with malaise.

_ Is that Anna? No, Haley, Harper, Allye, Holly,  _ **_Hannah._ **

_ Why is Hannah here? _

_ Is she going to help me or not? _

_ Wait. WAIT. WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT. _

Hannah was now crouching down next to Carter. Her unpleasant, wry grin still twisted her lips as she looked at the small silver scalpel pinched between her fingers.

Carter's breathing and heart rate seemed to double and a mangled cry escaped his lips. Hannah's eyes snapped back to his face and her smile grew impossibly larger. She lowered the arm holding the scalpel, letting it rest with her other on her knees.

“Are you hurting, Carter? Hmm? What hurts more, knowing no one cares enough to even put up posters looking for you, or,” She brought the scalpel to the top of his sternum and lightly pressed the tool to his skin, “, that your girlfriend has already moved on to someone new?” She chaffed.

Hannah slid the scalpel the rest of the way down his sternum, causing him to release an anguished cry. Hannah stood from the ground and laughed -- a sick, twisted laugh -- before sauntering out of the room.

Hot, wet tears were streaming down his face. He hurt in every place that wasn't already numb. He was so confused. Each sob brought more pain and crackling from his ribs. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the crimson river slowly oozing to the drain in the center of his cell. He felt hot and sticky from the blood dripping out of his chest. His blood. HIS blood.

He thought hard about the cuts on his legs and bruises on his sides. Images of three people dressed in black clothes with black ski masks covering their faces surfaced. They were towering over him laughing before kicking him senseless. The sounds of their laughter and small grunts-- the wind being knocked out of him from the kicks not letting him scream-- of his own covered all other sounds.

They were followed by the sounds of his screams as Hannah slowly nicked away at his shin. Each of his limbs were held to the bedposts with thick leather straps. She was laughing as she made the deep gouge in his other leg. A smile was still on her face as she cauterized the bleeding hole with a sizzling curling iron.

Screams of pain were cutting through every memory accompanied with remnants of the extreme pain. Some of the time it was strange people in black suits but they merely shoved him around. Hannah was the one causing the most pain. She was the star, the center front, in most of the recollections.

Carter opened his eyes again and shakily lifted his hand to his stomach, setting his hand in the pool of blood forming from the cut on his chest.

_ Eww is so warm. _

_ Haha it's so gooey but watery. _

_ So much.  _

_ Lots and lots. _

He lifted his hand off his stomach and dropped it back down, making a splat sound as droplets of blood flew away from where his hand landed.

_ HA that's a funny noise! _

_ Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat pat. _

Fatigue took over and pulled Carter to sleep. It allowed him a small escape from the pain and confusion, from knowing what's going on in the room around him, and from the strong, gloved hands grabbing his ankles and dragging him along the floor. Completely unaware of what is going to happen when he wakes up.


	2. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE AND TORTURE

Drip

Drip

Drip

Drip

_ Dripping? _

_ Well that's fucking annoying. _

_ Why is it soooo loud? _

_ Why hearing first? _

  
  


The coppery taste of blood filled his mouth almost instantly followed by the strong smell of something burning accompanied with the strong odor of cleaning products.

_ Senses 2 and 3 have kicked in! _

_ I’ll just go nice and slow. One sense at a time. _

_ Get my bearings. _

_ Don't know what the fuck is dripping. _

_ Hope it's not blood. _

_ And boy does that burning smell awful. Not as awful as the taste in my mouth but definitely bad. _

_ Now shall I see or feel ne- _

As soon as his nerves start back up, Carter wishes he was asleep again. Something was tied around his wrists, pulling his arms out to the sides with much more force than necessary. His legs ached and stung where he remembered there were cuts and his head throbbed mercilessly. The burned up skin on his side was hot and smarted like 3rd degree sunburns with lemon juice being used instead of aloe.

He sucked in a breath through his cracked, bloody lips that brought a stabbing pain to his chest area. The moving of skin with each inhale made the cut down his sternum ache.

His head was tilted back, exposing his entire throat. Carter felt a wave of fear and unease when he realized this and tried to lift his head and open his eyes. He couldn’t tell if he was moving but the throbbing in his head grew harder as he tried to lift it.

He felt his chin hit the sticky skin of his chest and his hair flop down onto his forehead. He has to open his eyes. He needs to know where he is. He pulls his heavy lids open and lets them drop back closed a few times before he hears a hiss and clank of metal from behind him.

_ Oh ho ho _

_ oh no.  _

_ No no no no no. _

_ I can't even see and someone is behind me. _

_ Im tied up and so fucking hurt I cant do anything to protect myself but being blind doesn't make it any better! _

He keeps fluttering his eyes open and shut as they slowly clear up. Letting him look down at his blood covered legs and the cold, metal chair he's tied to.

Footsteps tap over towards his chair from behind him but stop as soon as they reach his back. Fingers slide through his hair, gently scraping his scalp before they suddenly grip his hair and use it to yank his head back.

Eyes, fully open now, Carter meets Hannah’s sinister, icy blue eyes staring maniacally down into his. A smile slowly spread across her face as she threw his head back forward and walked around his chair to his front.

She bent down and cupped his chin in her hand, rubbing at the skin beneath his eye with her thumb. 

“Since you probably don't know how long you've been here I will have to tell you every once in a while,” Hannah cooed. “ It's been 10 days since we picked you up.”

There was a cart in the corner of the room where Carter assumes she has all her ‘tools’. She goes over to it and starts to move things around, cleaning and preparing for what's about to come. As she readied her tools she continued to talk.

“On day 3 I had figured out your most extreme fears. On day 4 you began to pour out your life story, secrets, even random fun facts like a broken pipe.” She let out an airy chuckle. “It was on day 6 that you started to forget things. Forget  _ him _ .”

She sounded quite satisfied, voice almost like a cats purr. Chills rippled down Carter's spine when she went silent and her hands stopped fluttering over her tray. She grabbed the handle of the cart and began to push it over to where he was secured.

The carts wheels creaked to a stop a few feet in front of him. Hannah hasn't looked directly at him since she first made her presence known and the odd lack of attention made him anxious. 

She let her fingers glide on the air just above the tray, circling over each tool a few times before she landed on a small Damascus Bowie knife. She picked it up, turning it back and forth in her palm.

Hannah was suddenly up in his face, a crazed, sadistic look in her eyes and a wide, toothy grin across her face.

“No one can save you, and if someone did,” She growled, backing up slightly with her knife hand moving down towards his leg, “no one would want you! HE wouldn't want you!” Her voice rising into a shrill cry before she wedged the top 2 inches of the knife sideways underneath his knee cap.

It was just extremely uncomfortable at first, Carter's body not realizing it had been stabbed. She started to twist the knife, a wave of pain coursed through his body and he began to scream. 

When the knife was right side up, having snapped the majority of tendons in his knee and pushed his knee cap out of place entirely, she slid out the knife. Carter was shrieking, tears were running down his face as his vocal cords strained in the effort to make more noise.

She grabbed a rag off the cart and grabbed his jaw, forcing it open before stuffing it in his mouth, quieting his scream.

“Oh no! You're losing a lot of blood!” Hannah laughed.

She walked behind his chair. A loud clunk sounded through the room, heard just above Carter's muffled cries. The same acrid burning smell from earlier filled the room. Hannah walked back into view again with a metal rod held in her gloved hand, the end glowing white and red with heat.

“Don't worry, dear, i'll make it stop,” She cooed, “this may hurt a bit though!” She lifted the rod towards his bleeding knee.

As the hot metal grew closer Carter began wiggling and squirming. He was crying more and screaming loudly despite the gag. Fear crashed around inside of him as he looked at the burning rod.

The rod hissed as it touched his leg, the blood in its immediate vicinity began to bubble as it heated up. Carter had stopped moving and screaming all together. He could only gasp and choke on both the gag and his tears.

“There we are!” Hannah cheered when she pulled the metal away from his blistering skin. The rod was glowing a dim orange red and the wet blood on it was bubbling and burning to the metal.

“Now what next!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this! Not many Original Works get read on Ao3 and I don't have that high of hopes that it will get read but many people are still giving it a shot! Thanks!!!


	3. Blazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: VIOLENT DEPICTIONS OF TORTURE
> 
> Here's chapter 3, Enjoy!

Carter was pulled out of his state of shock as one of his arms was freed from its restraint. His mind was still only half functioning but both his arms were free, hanging limply down to the side.

Hannah walked over to her cart and slid on a pair of thick work gloves before grabbing a large coil off the bottom shelf. She took the coil in one hand and picked up his arm with the other and began wrapping the barbed wire around his bicep.

Carter whimpered as the jagged spikes tore through his skin, releasing small streams of blood. Once Hannah reached his hand, she wrapped it tightly around his palm a few times before taking the other end of the wire in her hand. 

He held out both his arms now, the one wrapped in the barbs shaking and dripping while the other began going through the same process. 

Once Hannah had finished, she took a step back to admire her work. She nodded, a look of satisfaction on her face. She grabbed a long pole with a hook on the end from her cart and walked towards Carter.

He wanted to try and move but his arms were throbbing and stinging and he was afraid to move them. She stopped in front of him and reached to the ceiling the hook, looping it over another large meat hook that hung from the ceiling on a retractable wire.

She began humming a song as she worked, pulling down the hook and attaching it to the stretch of barbed wire connecting Carter's arms. Hannah put the pole back on her cart, still holding the hook so it wouldn't pull on the chain.

She unstrapped the rest of the restraints holding him to the chair, “Stand.” She said in an empty voice.

Carter slowly rose to his feet, the wire and hook rising with him. Hannah kicked the chair and it slid across the room and fell over with a bang. She looked Carter in the eyes, an off-friendly smile spread across her face and she tilted her head ever so slightly to the side.

Her hand released the hook. It shot up towards the ceiling, pulling the wire with it. It jerked Carter into the air with a screech where he dangled, toes barely touching the ground.

He hung there, wobbly moans and whines pouring out of him as he struggled to breath. His ribs rattled and streaks of crimson ran down his body, puddling on the floor.

He dared to look up at his arms. His skin was stretched in some places while bunched up in others. Ripped bits of flesh were skewered on the spikes, small drops of blood gathering at the tips. Bits of bone showed through parts where the wire had cut deep enough, leaving large flaps of skin hanging limp.

“Pretty, isn't it?” Hannah sighed. She was looking up at his tattered body like a child at a candy store window.

All Carter could do was grunt and wheeze through the pain as a response. Feeling drained from his fingers and his world seemed to sway when he moved too much.

Hannah had the same knife from earlier in her hand once more. She was walking with small, slow steps towards him.

“Why do you think it is,” She growled, “That he chose you over me?” 

She began pacing between him and her cart with larger faster strides. Her knuckles whitening around the handle of the blade.

“I DESERVE HIM MORE THAN YOU!” She shrieked as she whipped around and lunged at him.

She sank the knife to the hilt in Carter's side. He squirmed and kicked but that brought only more pain as the wire tore deeper into his arms. He screamed louder when she pulled the knife out, leaving an open, bloody hole.

She dropped the knife and rolled her sleeves up a bit further. She took her index and middle fingers and touched the opening of the wound lightly. Skimming over the raw, sticky surface before plunging both fingers deep inside him.

Carter squirmed and tried to yell but his voice had been used up, yielding only raspy cries. She bent her fingers, clawing at his insides with her nails and dragging them out slowly.

She stepped back and picked up the knife in her bloodied hand and placed it on the cart. Blood was pouring out his side and down both his arms. She grabbed a small black blowtorch off her cart.

Even through his slowly decreasing awareness to his surroundings, Carter began to panic. She walked towards him, igniting the torch on its lowest setting before running the flame over the stab wound.

The fire was hot enough to scald his skin but didn't burn like the pole. He whined as his blood simmered and dried, cauterizing over the hole. 

“We wouldn't want you bleeding out of consciousness before we're done, now would we?” Hannah chided.

She sank down to the floor, sitting criss-cross in the pools of blood on the floor. She grabbed his foot with her cold hand and placed a handcuff around his ankle, connecting the other loop around a hoop on the floor. She did the same to the other, securing both his feet in place.

She flicked the torch back on and brought the flame to the outside of his heel. Carter shrieked as she moved the torch from his heel to the ball of his foot, leaving a line of red, bubbly flesh raw and exposed along his foot.

Hannah drew a circle with the flames in the arch and another line from his heel to his toes on the inside of his foot. The smell of burning skin was almost as overwhelming as the pain.

Carter pulled on the cuffs and screamed in agony as his foot burned and the barbed wire cut still deeper into his arms. Streams of thick, hot blood poured from his arms and down to his feet. Sizzling when they met the torch and dripping when they hit the floor.

The skin on his foot was pale red, splattered with blood and blisters. His nerves were afire and his foot itched to move but blazing torrents of pain streaked through his raw skin with every flinch.

His foot was still burning when he noticed Hannah placing everything back on her cart. His arms were numb and heavy. The objects into the room were blurred into softer shapes. 

Hannah's voice seemed to float through the air into his head as his world dimmed to black. “Take him to Mags and tell her to fix him up as good as she can but no meds. Also clean up the mess while you're at it.”

The last thing he saw was to blurry black shapes moving towards him, reaching, before his world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I will post every 2 days until I catch up to the chapter I'm currently writing. From then on I will post when I complete a chapter which may take a bit once school starts up again.
> 
> Have a good day/night!


	4. Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its like 3:30am and I just got off a motivation high that I have been anticipating the arival of all week where I wrote over 3k in one sitting and I feel like I am half in another realm of reality.
> 
> Here, enjoy this chapter.

Carter is woken by the clicking of heels and the slam of a door. His body aches and stings but is surprisingly not as bad as he thought it would hurt after… the torture. Out of all the things his brain will let him remember, it’s all the torture.

He opens his eyes and is disappointed when he discovers that he is back in the white room. He examines his wounds, they look about four days into healing. The larger cuts are stitched up and the burns slick with ointment but left unwrapped.

There are some muffled shouts in the hall. Two people, most likely women, are arguing. One is shouting and the other trying to calm them. Carter is curious but doesn't begin to worry till the door to his cell is slammed open.

“I'M NOT GONNA MAKE HIM BLEED, MAGS. I HAVE TO KEEP HIM BANGED UP AND HONESTLY, I ENJOY DOING IT!” Hannah shouted

“Ok, but please, his body is already struggling to heal.” An asking yet firm voice -- Mags, probably -- replied.

Hannah closed the door and looked over at him, scowling. When she saw that he was awake she smiled. She turned fully towards him and bent down the way you would bend over to talk to a child.

“I thought I was going to have to wake you up! It has been almost a week since our last play date!” 

Carter just stared at her, unsure of what to say. This clearly did not make her happy because that concerning smile quickly fell into a pout.

“Everyone is being so mean today by not giving me what I want! I'm not even asking for much!” She growled and stamped her foot on the floor.

She stomped over to Carter's side and kicked her foot under his ribs and flipped him over. He clenched his jaw not letting out more than a grunt when his ribs that someone had so graciously set cracked out of place again.

She places her foot on his back, making his ribs creak as the heel of her shoe dug into the bare skin. She grabbed his arm from where it was splayed on the floor. The stitches holding his skin together straining as she pulled his arm up.

Hannah lifted her foot for a brief moment before placing it back on his shoulder blade.

“Maybe this will get a response out of you…” She muttered before slowly pushing harder with her foot and pulling his arm further up.

She gave a quick yank and a sharp pop noise came from his shoulder as it was ripped from its socket. Carter screamed as his arm fell back to the ground, blood trickling out of the ripped stitches.

She went and sat down by his now useless arm and grabbed his pinky finger and wrist, pulling the finger up and back till a small snap could be heard. 

Carter gasped and let out suppressed cries as she made her way down his hand, dislocating and breaking each finger with a chorus of cracks and pops. His arm and fingers all bent in precarious and odd angles. Some fingers in more than one.

She pulled out a small pocket knife, obviously ignoring Mags directions, and placed the blade on his back. He screamed and cried as she carved into his skin. She seemed to be drawing something, engraving him.

If he ever got out of this, he would never have a moment's peace from the memories. She is leaving plenty of scars to make sure of that. Every day he would see himself. The scars that were sure to cover his arms, the burn marks on his feet and sides. The engraving on his back when he looked in the mirror.

“Perfect!” Hannah shrilled.

She took a picture with her phone and held it in front of his face. She had carved two large wings onto his back. Blood oozed out between the feathers and pooled in the small of his back. Bits of flesh that she had carved off laid on the ground beside him.

She jumped up from the ground and left the room, the click of the lock announced that she wasn't coming back for a while.

The floor was cold against his face and stomach, it helped numb the cuts and burns on his front but his arm was throbbing and back hot and stinging. He could feel the warm pool where the blood had gathered up on his back.

His foot was stinging with a monstrous amount of gusto and his reopened stitches burned. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he grimaced through the pain.

Suddenly his whole world went shades of dark red and black. Carter thought he was dying for a moment. That he was being granted the sweet release of death but a loud blaring alarm sounded in the hall. 

He was not dying but someone had triggered the alarm. He could perhaps be being rescued but it had been weeks. If they know what has been happening they wouldn't come to rescue a broken, possibly dead, man who doesn't even know who he is.

Gunshots sounded down the hall. Carter’s breathing grew heavy. He couldn’t move let alone get up and there were people with guns loose in the building. He was going to be killed.

A loud bang shakes his door as if someone had thrown themselves against it, and a moment later it is swinging open. A man in a few pieces of bulletproof armor with a pistol in his hand practically falls through the door.

He looks around frantically and freezes when his eyes land on carter. The man runs over and falls on his knees. He reaches out with a shaky hand and lets it hover over his torn up skin before pulling it back and letting out a shaky sob.

“What have they done to you.” the man asked quietly, voice trembling.

The sounds of footsteps running down the hall alert them that someone is coming. three more people run in the room. two pulling a stretcher and one with a white box with a red cross adorning the side.

The one with the box kneels down beside him and quickly pulls out a needle. She prepares the shot before inserting it into his neck. 

He looks around at the people gathered around him, there forms pulsing, blurring, swaying, in the flashing red light. He groans and tries to move the better of his two arms but he feels heavy and tired.

He closes his eyes, the last thing he feels is the gentle touches of hands and the mix of commands and comforting words filtering into his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave me some comments and kudos :)
> 
> (Please, go to sleep at normal times. Not like me who's sleep schedule is so messed up that when I try to fix it I begin to feel mortality once more. I am so friend I almost re-posted chapter 3)


	5. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this so far! OWs don't get much traction on Ao3 but I'm glad people are still reading it!

The crying man was talking hurriedly to a woman sitting on his opposite side. He couldn't hear them. Or anything for that matter. He was looking up at them like he was lying down.

He wanted to know what was going on. Carter reached his hand out and touched the man's leg. He jumped and they both looked down at him with surprised expressions. 

The woman grabbed something from a compartment and he felt a sharp prick in his elbow before slowly fading to black.

~~~

There were many people around him now. They were breathing hard, running. They were rolling him somewhere. He could see the dark sky above them, the edges gray with light pollution. 

The ground was bumpy, making him shake and bounce on the gurney as they pushed. He wanted to tell them to slow down but his eyes grew heavy and he went unconscious once more.

~~~

His world was still this time.

The first thing Carter notices as he fades back into consciousness is the steady beeps of the heart monitor. He is calm. At peace. His body only faintly hurts, most of him feels thick and numb. He looks around the room with lazy swoops of his eyes.

There is only one bed in the room, surrounded by hospital equipment all hooked up to him in some way. Their layout is not a hospital layout so it must be some personal ER thing. In the corner of the room the man from earlier is slouched over in a chair, asleep.

Carter looked at them man. His face more relaxed but still had stripes on his cheeks from here the tears cut through the thin layer of grime. The man looked… familiar, like some distant memory in the back of his mind that lies just out of reach.

He wants to ask the man where he is. He's still calm, just confused and curious. Carter opens his mouth to speak, taking a deep breath, but instead begins to cough. His whole body shakes with effort as his hacking disturbs the silence of the room.

The man woke springing to his feet, a panicked look on his face. He ran over to Carter and grabbed the side of his face with one hand while applying an oxygen mask with the other. His breathing steadied but the worried look on the other man's face remained.

The man removed the mask from his face and handed him a notepad and pencil.

“You gotta write instead of talking for a while. Your lungs and diaphragm took a serious beating.” The man's voice cracked a bit on the last sentence.

Carter looked at the paper for a moment and began to write.

> **All I remember is Hannah and that my name is Carter.**

He handed the notepad to the man who released a choked breath when he read it. He decided to write back instead of talking. His handwriting is neat and quick.

> **My name is Zach. Is there anything you would like to know?**
> 
> **Why did you save me?**
> 
> **We run this place together. You and me and a few others. I needed you.**
> 
> **I know enough to know that I am broken. What use am I? I saw how you all ran in with guns and medical equipment, I can't do that.**
> 
> **I know. Anything else?**
> 
> **Where am I?**
> 
> **This is basically an ER. We are in the place we run where we are safe and protected.**

> **Thank you. That's all.**

The man, Zach is what he said his name was, was quietly crying the entire time they passed the note. When Carter decided to go back to sleep, Zach didn't leave. Instead he took his hand in his and laid his head down on the side of his bed.

Carter stared down at their intertwined fingers. He didn't know why but it just felt so… familiar. Their hands seemed to fit so nicely and his heart seemed to beat a little faster whenever the man looked at him. 

His eyes began to droop and his head felt heavy. He let it fall back against the pillow as he began to doze off.

Where are they friends? He said they ran it together so probably. But did they hold hands? Maybe they were…  _ lovers. _

He fell asleep.

_ ~~~~~~ _

_ “Carter…” Zach growled as he walked into the kitchen, “You said you were fine! _

_ “I am. What are you talking about?” _

_ “Your fucking shirt! You are BLEEDING through your shirt! Why do you always try to hide it, huh?” Zach was yelling. _

_ “I- I- It, uh…” Carter  _ _stuttered_

_ “What? Do you think that this makes you seem stronger? More of a man or something? What are you trying to prove!” _

_ Zach walks up to him, turns him towards the counter and pushes him forward so he lands his hands on the cool surface. He yanks up the back of Carter's shirt and rips off the bandage and throws it on the counter next to him.  _

_ “You always hide everything! You never tell me when you're hurt or need help. You make everything so hard on yourself. You just make things harder for everyone!” Zach spat as he put on a new bandage. _

_ “I do not! What are you even talking about?” Carter spun around to look Zach in the eye. _

_ “Is this some fucking game to you? I care for you and try to help you but you INSIST on doing things alone and end up getting hurt! I cant lose you to your own dumb actions! Why wont you just listen!” _

_ “... Sorry.” _

_ “You break my heart and all you have to say is ‘sorry’?” _

_ Carter looked up at Zach with tears in his eyes. He reached up and cupped his cheek in his hand. “I'm sorry, Zach. I love you and I'm sorry.” _

_ Zach pushed his hand off his face, “really? Do you?” he snarled _

_ Tears began to drip down Carter's face. He slid out from where he was pinned between Zach and the counter and speed walked to the door and turned down the hall. _

_ He heard Zach following behind him. Carter opened the front door and began to run through the surrounding woods. _

_ “Yeah! Run away like how you run from all your problems!” _

_ He heard Zach shout as he went deeper into the woods. _


	6. Avalon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after this you guys are caught up to where I am in writing Helpless. I will try and post frequently still!

Carter didn't see Zach till many days after the first. He got frequent visits from a young woman with short brown hair and a tired smile -- Sara she said her name was -- who came to check up on him and help him speak again. He still couldn't use his voice often or for long amounts of time but he was getting better rapidly.

His body hurt more than it did in the beginning, he was full of aches and burning pains, only the smaller ones were blocked out by the drugs while the stronger pains were only dulled. Even though he was bored and lonely, nothing was as bad as what he went through because of Hannah.

He wants to talk to Zach again. He wants to know more about Hannah. To ask more questions about their relationship and what happened but was also nervous to breach the topic when Zach was clearly hurting already.

Sara pulled a chair over to his bed and talked to him today. She said that Zach would be back and would visit him later. Carter nodded and smiled at her. She patted his hand which was gripping the safety bar on the side of the bed and returned his smile before leaving the room.

Carter waited alone in the dimly lit hospital room, the only thing breaking the heavy silence was the steady beeps of the machines. He looked up at the plain white ceiling and gray, windowless walls. 

How was he going to ask Zach about the past? Would he even be willing to share because to Carter, it only seemed to be a hard and troublesome relationship. He should just ask for more information about their jobs and his own past for now. Maybe ease the disturbed waters between his old self and Zach.

It wasn't long before Carter fell asleep. The drugs made him incredibly tired but it helped him escape the pain. Zach got there while he was asleep so he sat in the chair and waited for him to wake up. Looking at him with sorry eyes and his mind a confusing pool of emotions and regret.

~~~

_ Carter smiled up at the sky. He reached over to the side to grab Zach’s hand who laces their fingers together. _

_ The sound of crickets and cicadas fill the cooling summer air as they lay on their backs on an old blanket they had laid out in the grass. _

_ They had just finished a job and had seen the field when driving into town earlier that week.  _

_ Zach loved the stars. He knew a little about the constellations and every once in a while, he would point up at the sky and tell Carter stories about the different ones that he could find.  _

_ Eventually, Carter turned to look at his lover. Watching how his eyes were lit up with a happy energy as he explained the story of Orion.  _

_ When he had realized Carter had stopped listening, he turned to face him, their eyes meeting and not much later their lips. _

_ They weren't hard or long kisses. Just small, gentle presses with words of love in between.  _

_ Small phrases like “You look so handsome tonight.” or “You are always so brave.” _

_ They laid there, wrapped up in each other's warm embrace, not wanting to let go for fear they would never get to do this again. _

_ Every once in a while, an “I love you” was whispered between them and when they finally separated they rolled up their blanket, got in their car, and drove back to their shitty motel, barely making it through the door before they shared deep, passion filled kisses that ended with them tangled in the sheets of the creaky bed and sore in all the right ways the next day. _

~~~

Carter woke to the gentle murmuring of his name. Zach was sitting by his bed again, his hand on his cheek, thumb rubbing gentle lines under his eye.

He smiled at Zach who smiled widely in return before handing him the same notepad and pen. Carter stared at it for a moment, not sure what he should say.

He decided he would not bring up the bad memory but would ask more about their relationship, the last recovered memory making him even more curious.

> **I had a dream. I think it was a memory.**
> 
> **Really? What was it?**
> 
> **It was you and me. We were out in some field looking at the stars and then we, well you know.**
> 
> **I remember that. We were in ~~Aple~~ Alpena, Michigan.**

Zach was smiling a wobbly but very happy smile. Carter held out his hand, not writing anything else on the notepad and took Zachs hand in his casted one.

Carter looked him in the eye and whispered “I’m sorry.”

Zach’s breath hitched and tears began streaming down his face and dripping off his chin. He pulled Carter's hand up and gently kissed it as he began to sob harder.

“P-p-please, du-dont be su-sorry,” Zach paused and calmed his ragged breathing, “It wasn't your fault. It was me. I shouldn't have said some things and you left and I let you go. It's my fault. I'm so sorry. I just, I-, I'm just so sorry.”

He broke out into sobbs once more and Carter actually felt the prickle of tears in his own eyes. He took his hand back from Zach and wrote on the notepad.

I remember. I forgive you.

He showed this to Zach who began to cry even harder. Carter watched as Zach continued to sob for many more minutes until he was able to gain control of himself.

“How much do you remember?” Zach asked shakily

> **Mostly memories of my time with Hannah and Mags but also the memory of the stargazing and the argument where I left. I remember being able to recognize a lot of odd things and I still know my name but only my first because Hannah used it.**

Zach read the note and suddenly became very serious. He read it again before handing the notepad back.

“Mags? Was she a healer?” Zach asked

> **Yes. And she looked a bit odd. She was very short and wore a large lab coat.**

Zach read the note and pulled a flip phone out of his pocket and walked to the other side of the room to call someone.

“Hannah has a fae.”

“Yes I know that.”

“There are spells that can do that.”

“Ok”

“Ok”

“Yup, bye.”

He turned back towards Carter and gave him a fake smile. He walked back over to Carter and sat back in the chair. He grabbed Carters hand gently with his and rubbed his thumb over his bandages.

Carter looked at him, confused. He had said something about faes? Like faeries? He seems to know about faeries, that they are magical beings from a different world, each type has different strengths and their power levels vary. But why does he know about faes?

He looked up at Zach, who’s eyelids were drooping and slouching a bit forward in his chair. Carter wiggled his fingers and Zach sat up, looking at Carter with a questioning face. He freed his hand from Zachs and used it to beckon him to lean closer.

“Go and sleep,” Carter took another deep breath, “I love you.”

Zach sat back up and slowly nodded.

“Ok, I love you too.” He stood up from the chair and walked over to the door. “I will be here for a few more days so I can visit you tomorrow, ok?” 

Carter gave him a nod and smile and watched Zach walk out of the room. A moment later Sara came into the room and adjusted the flow rate on his IV before leaving the room and turning off the lights, leaving him in darkness.

His eyes began to feel heavy as the IV let more anestasia into his bloodstream. He was so confused. Who was he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add a bit of a fantasy aspect so I could do a super small bit of world building. I hope you enjoyed!


	7. Zach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter from Zach's Perspective!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get to look more into the world they live in and their jobs in this chapter. Please enjoy!

Zach softly closed the door behind him as he stepped out into the hallway. He turned to walk down the hall but was stopped when he almost ran head first into Sara.

“Hey Zach! I was just coming to tell you Carter needs to go back to sleep,” Her bright smile became worried, “ Is everything ok? Why are you out early?”

“He was tired, well I was tired and he told me to go get some sleep. He still hasn't lost that aspect of his personality.” Zach chuckled.

She laughed for a few seconds before looking up at him and smiling sadly. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

“I’ll be fine. Thanks.” Zach put on a smile and gave her a wave goodbye as he moved on down the hall.

He walked as fast as he could out of the building and burst out through the doors into the bright noon sun. Zach pulled his keys out of his pocket and went over to his car.

It was a grey 1984 Chevy C10, passed down to him by his mother on his 16th birthday. He cherished that car. Its old but steady engine and how it was always reliable and had a truck bed that could fit just about anything.

He turns the key in the ignition and she rumbles to life. Zach puts the truck in reverse and backs out of his spot before driving down the long road out of the woods.

The drive home is long and quiet. If Carter were here, they would be talking about their days, their plans for later, and singing along to the radio. Without him here, it just didn't feel right. Nothing really felt right.

Not even 20 minutes after Carter had left, Zach had gone after him. He had tried to find him in the woods, calling his name and following the trail of fresh footprints.

He was an excellent tracker so when the footprints went from a jog to a run that weaved around trees and bushes, he knew something wasn't right. Why was Carter running from something?

The tracks began to turn on themselves, Carter was fighting something. There were broken branches and kicked up dirt and… blood. A lot of it.

A streak of blood on the forest moss and splattered on a stone lying nearby. More was sprayed on nearby trees. He had been hit over the head with the stone and dragged away. 

Carter was gone. And it was his fault.

Zach spent days searching for him yet found nothing. He hardly slept or ate. He was going to end up killing himself if it weren't for Aster and her group.

Zach was raised with Aster after the accident. They hunted together for a while before they formed their own teams, parting with friendly farewells. He hadn't seen her in person for years, only talking in the few letters and hunts they would send each other.

Aster took him to her Home, which was much larger than the one he shared with Carter, but she also ran a whole team and had an academy for new recruits. 

She took him in and once she figured out what had happened, got the gears turning and began hunting Carter down. 

Some people didn't understand why she would stop everything for Carter. Some said it was because of Zach but in reality, when someone kidnaps a Hunter, expecaly one as good and powerful as Carter, people get worried about something strong being let loose.

After being rehabilitated, Zach was allowed to go home and got checked on by Saraphite(Sara for short) , a half fae nurse, every other day to make sure he wasn't spiraling again.

Without Carter there, the house was so empty.

He pulled into the driveway of that very house and parked his car. Zach looked tiredly up at the darkened windows of the wooden building, sitting so alone, so quiet. He needed Carter back here with him.

He missed going on hunts with Carter too. They work so well together.

Society, for hundreds of years now, has lived in almost perfect peace with the magical beings of the world. They would live side by side, humans and creatures. But just like with humans, creatures could be evil too, the only difference is that they tend to be much more powerful.

People like he and Carter would hunt these creatures. Most hunters set up a Home, somewhat like Asters. Basically a base for your team and a place to train new recruits. Zach and Carter only ever had 4 people in their Home, and when Hannah and Chris died(or so they thought), it was just the 2 of them left, and they liked it that way.

But a Home with only one person… was just lonely. Zach told himself that Carter had been found and will be able to come back soon. That when he came back, he would get more memories.

Sara told him that her magic could only do so much, not to try any of his own on Carter, and that she would be able to open up his mind to receive all his lost memories but they would still need to be shaken loose.

Zach knows, hopes, that Carter will retrieve another memory to talk about tomorrow. He wants so badly to have him back. He doesn't want to be alone again. He couldn't live if he was left again.

He stumbled into the house, dropping the keys on a table by the door and kicked off his shoes. He made his way up to his room and shook off his jacket and cargo pants before climbing into the bed and curling up in the cold sheets.

He began to wonder what Carter would remember. Hopefully a memory of the good times they had and not more of Hannah or any of the hunts. Or the fights about him hiding his injuries.

Zach was on the verge of sleep when he heard a ring. He rolled out of bed and grabbed his phone off the floor, not checking the name when he answered.

“Hello?” Zach yawned

“Zach, it’s Aster. You need to grab as much of your stuff as you can and come to the Home.” Aster spoke sternly and fast

A rush of worry and adrenaline swept through him as he jumped to his feet and began packing. “Ok. Is everything alright?”

“No- Yes- Kinda. I’ll tell you more when you get here but make it fast and be prepared. Don’t get distracted.”

“Yup, see you soon.”

He hung up the phone before rushing around the house gathering all his supplies.

Hand gun. Check.

Clothes bag. Check

Spell book. Check

All the rest of the stuff was already packed into his truck so he tossed the rest in the bed and covered it. Zach locked the house behind him and hopped into the truck, quickly starting it and began driving back to the Home.

When he got there he stepped out of his car and was greeted by Aster and one other man he believed was named Sal.

Maybe-Sal walked over to the back of his truck and unloaded his stuff, carrying it inside to what he guessed will be where he is staying for a while. He turns his attention to Aster.

“So what's up” He asks

“Another hunter disappeared but not before sending out a stress call within a 100 mile radius from your house. Hannah is looking for you and we don't know what she is capable of right now.” Aster replies

“Shit. Can she find us here?”

“It’s warded and hidden from aerial view but if you could cast some extra wards it would be beneficial.”

“Carters better at wards but I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you,” Aster said before turning his head inside.

Zach pulled out his spell book and a stick of chalk from his belt and pocket and drew a large circle on the pavement. He began writing symbols and drawing strange patterns within and around the circle, standing up and admiring his work when he finished.

He went and stood in the center of the circle where three squares overlapped, their middles leaving an empty place for him to stand.

He began the spell

“άσχημο θηλυκό σκυλί, φύγε από εδώ”

A surge of power burst out of Zach, making the chalk sigil burn bright red before fading into nothingness. It worked.

He turned and ran to the building. He needed to check on Carter. A surge like that would definitely wake him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	8. Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 8! Enjoy!

How long has it been?

.

Hours? Days? Weeks?

There's no sound. Nothing ever changes. He doesn't even know when the last time He saw Hannah was. When was the last time he had seen Zach?

It's all just… white. Cold. White and cold. Cold and white.

He could feel his mind slipping away. He clings to memories, the sounds of his own breathing, the colors of his skin against the white floor.

He tried to keep it together but between the periodical torture and timeless, senseless, lock-ups… he was going to lose it.

The door clicked and Hannah walked in and strode right up to him, placing a black bag over his head then hitting it with something hard.

His thoughts wobbled in the darkness of the bag and he was almost too disoriented to feel the strong arms picking him up and dragging him down the hall.

His head lolled to the side and he shook his head, trying to loosen the bag but his effort was met by another thought of something hard hitting his skull.

He passed out. There was nothing now. Just… dark.

~~~

A hot sparky rush of purple washes over the blackness of Carter's dream. It pulls him away from the nightmare, away from the dark. It flows through him, leaving behind a familiar tingle on his skin. It sweeps loose memories from his mind.

Circles and sigils drawn in chalk, incantations in varieties of languages, sparks and flashes of colored light, the sparks of purple residue from strong spells, the caress of that gentle magic washing over his body, his own reaching back.

His own. His own magic.

Carter sat up out of bed with wide eyes. He has magic. Zach has magic. He just felt Zach’s magic rush over him. 

Where is Zach? Is he ok? Why did he cast a spell? Is he hurt? Was it a call for help?

Carter began to breathe harder and faster. He wanted to get out of bed and find Zach, find out what is going on. 

The thick white casts on his arm and bandages wrapped around most of his body held him mostly in place. He struggled to move, trying to turn out of the bed. He almost had his legs in the right direction when the door to his room burst open and a frazzled Zach rushed in. 

The both sat and stared for a moment. Carter had been caught in his great rescue plan and Zach was worried about how the magic affected Carter.

Zach seemed to pull himself together and snapped out of his confused shock. “Carter! You need to stay in the bed!” He huffed

Carter had been practicing his speech and could speak full sentences now, thanks to Sara. His voice was weak but getting stronger fast.

“I felt this… this weird surge that- that felt like… you!” Carter rasped, “I thought you were hurt!”

Zach chuckled, his tense shoulders relaxed and he walked over to Carter. He gently maneuvered Carter back to the sitting position and pulled over one of the chairs by the wall.

“I was actually worried about what the spell would do to you.” Zach said, smiling.

“Why did you need to use magic? Aren’t we safe here?” Carter asked

“Yeah, just some extra warding to hide the place. It’s too bad you're all banged up, you are one of the best Magicians in the country.”

“Really?”

“Oh sure! You could do so much with your magic that I couldn’t and all your basic spells held stronger. I’m a pretty powerful Mage myself, but you… you're a force to be reckoned with.”

Carter looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers. “Can it… heal me faster?”

“It could. Sara told me not to use any magic on you though. Our magic isn't exactly healing magic, more like stitches that will make a wound worse if ripped out.”

“I could tell it was you.” Carter looked up at Zach.

Zach looked back at Carter, tears brimmed in his joy filled eyes.

“We grew familiar with each other's magic. I… I’m happy you still remember.” Zach spoke softly.

The door to the room burst open again. A woman Carter recognized as Aster(he remembered the name but nothing else) looked into the room and gestured at Zach.

“Zach. Finish up fast and come down to the Planning Room. We may have a location on Hannah,” She barked, “Don’t make us wait.”

Zach turned to Carter and leaned forward, gently kissing his forehead. He stood up and smiled gently down at him.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can.” Zach said before turning and leaving the room, the door clicking softly behind him.

Carter was now alone. And horribly curious. He had just found out that he is a very powerful Mage and is able to do all sorts of strong magic.

He looks back at his hands. The wounds from the barbed wire had been healing well, he could move his fingers freely with very little pain. Maybe he could just try a small spell.

In his rush of new memories, he saw that only larger spells required incantations and sigils. Some were just simple commands or even just the flick of a wrist.

He looked around the room at the empty gray walls and white tiled floor. Everything in the hospital like room was so bland and simple. It was almost like they had an empty room and decided to throw a chair and some hospital stuff there because they didn't have enough room for it in the official infirmary but then forgot to add anything else.

After looking around at the black walls, Carter decided what he wanted. If it worked, he could change the color of the walls every day so it wouldn’t be so boring and redundant. For the first few nights, the blank and empty walls, floor, and ceiling gave him painful reminders of his cell at Hannah's… his mind supplied the word’Home’. Hannah’s Home?(I guess it would be her Home)

Carter held his shaky hands out, palms facing the wall. He imagined the walls being a soft, pastel orange like the sunset reflecting on clouds. He pulled for something and pushed for it to move.

He felt a tingly warm feeling in the center of his chest. He grasped at it and it grew stronger. Carter began to push the feeling to his hands and saw small razzmatazz sparks drip from his fingers. 

As it began to build up in his hands he thought as hard as he could of the wall being the creamy orange and whispered “change to orange!” before feeling the magic leave his hands.

He watched the trails of razzmatazz light and sparks hit the wall and the color he had been stinking spread around the room, coating everything from the gown he was wearing to the machines by the table a soft pastel orange.

His arms dropped back to his sides and he looked around the room. He had colored  _ everything  _ orange, not just the walls. He was a bit worried that even he would be orange but a quick glance at his hand let him know his skin was still a normal color.

He heard footsteps running down the hall but he was beginning to grow very tired. He laid back on the pillow, his eyes heavy and beginning to drift shut. 

Guess he needed to work on controlling how much magic he uses per spell. Carter felt half empty after that and he colored the entire room instead of just a wall. He would- he would practice that later.

Zach and Aster thundered into the room looking shocked at its color just as Carter's eyes closed. The last thing he heard was the muffled voice of Aster and an angry retort from Zach before he was swept back into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear things up a bit, Carter isn't some super duper powerful unbeatable mega mage or anything. He is just having some control issues with his magic. He is, however, a strong and talented Mage that has more power than most, not all. Zach is also quite powerful but he prefers to do more physical combat stuff.
> 
> The color razzmatazz is like a hot pink/orange mix.
> 
> Next chapter may take a while do to whatever is going on with school starting back up so wish me luck with writing! Thanks for reading!


	9. Stories

Carter’s mouth is dry and feels like sand when he wakes. He flails over at the table by his bed till he finds the glass of water resting there. The water is cool and refreshing as it washes down his throat. 

He chugs the glass before setting it back on the table and going for the tray of food resting near it. Today’s breakfast is some Eggo’s and little sausage links with a fruit cup. It’s a little cold but he eats it like a starved dog anyway.

He was too busy inhaling his food to notice the door open and someone walk in. When he finished his breakfast he was startled to see Zach sitting in a chair by the bed.

“Mornin’ dumbass. You’ve been out for a whole week after pulling that color stunt.” Zach laughs.

“Well you guys put so much effort in making things interesting for the person who can’t even roll onto their side.” Carter sasses.

“I actually have to talk to you about that, but first we have to set a rule. No magic till you're better or at least better than you are now. Okay?”

“Ok, but can you please change up the room, it- it reminds me of where Hannah kept me.”

“Oh god. Shit. Sorry, that makes so much sense, I should have known. You probably got flashbacks because of it and it's my fault. Shit, I’m sorry. That was so careless of me and-”

Carter takes his hand and tries to place it on Zachs cheek but he's a bit off with his motor control and kinda just sets it right on the middle of his face, but it still serves its purpose in silencing him.

“It’s ok. I wouldn't have gotten to turn everything orange if you gave me something to do.”

Zach takes Carter's hand off his face and holds it in his. “Damn, you have not lost any of your sass or your humor. Still, I am sorry,” Carter smiles at him before continuing, “Over the course of the past week, your injuries healed significantly. Sara says that calling up your magic made it start healing you on its own and also boosted some of the spells she put on you.”

Zach paused again, he looked down at Carter’s hand, weaving his fingers through his thin pale ones before looking back at Carter with an excited, hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“Carter, Sara says you're ready to start some physical therapy, then once you can go around on crutches and gain control over your limbs again, you can come back home.” Zach grins.

Carter looked down at his legs and brought his arms out in front of him. They shook slightly at the effort, the one hannah broke and dislocated more violently than the other. He bent his knees a bit and wiggled his feet around.

He was squirming all over the bed, feeling only a dull ache where there used to be stabbing, immobilizing pain. Zach laughed as he watched Carer wiggle around the look of a determined child on his face.

Soon Carter ceased his movement and focused his attention back to Zach, his body now alight with feeling and energy.

“Have you found anything out about Hannah’s whereabouts?” Carter asked, remembering how abruptly Zach had left with Aster.

“... Yes, but she keeps moving. Her pattern shows that she’s looking for something so she probably has found us yet.”

“That’s good. What are you planning on doing once you find her?”

“Nuh-uh. We're not here to talk about Hannah. We're here to talk about Me, you, and anyone else you want but her and her little gang. Let's spark up those memories of yours, hmm?”

Carter sighs. “Okay, tell me a story about us then.”

Zach sits back in the chair for a moment to think of a story before starting. “Before we presented as mages, we went to a human school until about junior year of high school. We became friends early on in freshman year when we got put in a group for some writing presentation in Mrs. Fields class.

“She had a soft spot for you so we bull-shitted the assignment but got an A anyway. You had asked me to hang out at your place after school and work on the project but even after we finished, we kept going over to each other's places to play video games or just sit and talk.

“I think that's when I started to fall for you. When I saw how you would care for every animal and helpless child that came across your path, how gentle and careful you were with everything you did, how despite your gentleness you were strong and fierce when need be. That's when I fell for you.

“We both presented on the same day, which was funny. We weren't even together when it happened. I was getting mugged in an ally and accidentally threw the guy against the wall with a burst of magic when I was walking home from the library, and you, heh, you thought you saw a dog on the side of the road but it was a bear cub and not even 10 feet away was mama bear. You made her fall asleep with your magic, also on accident, but way more gentle than mine.

“When we found out that both of us presented, we enrolled as Hunters at a Home where we met Aster, Chris, and eventually Hannah. My life for the past 3 years at that point was literally just training, hunting with you, Aster, Chris, and Hannah, and pinning for you.

“The 5 of us graduated from the academy and made our own Home. We were some of the best Hunters out there. It was all great until the accident. 

“A huge Home went rouge. Or more like it was possessed? An extremely powerful Mage killed everyone there and used mass necromancy to bring them back to life and began using them to attack other Homes. We couldn't fight dead bodies so we hunted down the necromancer and killed him, but not before he got Hannah and Chris.

“It took a while but we moved on, you and I. We kept doing smaller jobs and had a Home with just me and you. It was pretty great.”

Zach stopped talking and Carter just looked back, confused on why.

“Are you going to keep going?” Carter asked.

“No. I’m going to let you sleep and try to conjure up some memories. I can shake one loose for you if you want.”

“I want to know what you were going to tell me next. Shake that one loose.”

Zach reached up and placed two of his fingers on Carter's head and muttered an incantation. The next thing Carter knows is that he is asleep and a dream is quickly building up around him. A memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anything is confusing or you have questions, feel free to ask!


	10. Thunder and Fire

_ The dragon spins in a fast, tight circle, swinging its powerful tail in a wide arc. Smoke leaked from its open jaws and nostrils, filling the air with an acrid smell and coating the ceiling in gray. _

_ Carter cast yet another spell but it bounced off the dragon's scales and he was flung across the room by the sweep of its tail, hitting the wall with a crack. _

_ Zach watched in horror and turned back to the seething dragon. A burst of rage and adrenaline pumped through his system as he ran in a wide circle around the creature, loading his crossbow with another enchanted arrow. _

_ He slid on the damp floor, lining up the cross-hairs on the base of the dragon's neck where it met his chest. The arrow flew through the room, finding its mark with perfect accuracy, killing the creature almost instantly. _

_ Zach threw the crossbow on the cave floor and sprinted over to where Carter laid in a crumpled, bloody heap on the dark floor. He was barely breathing, pulse slow and weak, blood weeping out of a wound on his head. _

_ “Fix,” Zach whispered, holding his hand above the wound, “fix, fix, FIX, GOD DAMMIT!” His voice rose to a shout as he pushed his still depleted magic to his palm. _

_ Carter still remained still. _

_ Big, hot tears began pouring from Zach’s eyes and he buried his face in his hands, body shaking with the rough force of his sobs. _

_ “Mmmmzaacchh,” _

_ Zach lifted his head in surprise and looked over to see Carter raising his hand and reaching toward him, his eyes half closed but the bleeding stopped. _

_ Zach launched forward, grabbing the sides of Carter's face and pulled him into a rough kiss before he even realized what he was doing. He quickly pulled back, still sobbing but now filled with apologies. _

_ “Mm’ so-orry, I-I-it was just- I shoulda’- I thought you-” _

_ Carter reached up, grabbing Zach’s face and pulled him down again into a soft, gentle kiss, their lips slotting together in a way that just felt so... right. _

_ They pulled back before going in for more quick, chaste kisses before it grew more heated. A swipe of the tongue on Zach’s lip had him opening up, a quiet moan escaping as Carter licked his way into his mouth. _

_ They kept going, running their fingers through each other’s hair, curious hands sneaking up under the hems of their shirts, letting their fingers slide along the hot, sweaty skin beneath. Zach pulled back and took a gulp of air, his breathing was heavy and hot. _

_ “I love you.” Zach whispered, eyes going wide as he realized what he had just said. _

_ He looked at Carter, into the amber depths of his eyes. They were so bright and beautiful with razzmatazz specks floating in a fiery brown pool. _

_ Carter’s lips grew into a small smirk, “Can you say that again? I want to make sure I heard you correctly.” _

_ “...I-I love you.” Zach whispered again. _

_ Carter pulled him into another, hot deep kiss, “I love you too.” _

~~~~

Carter wakes with a snort. He sits up and rubs his eyes, careful not to smack himself in the face with his cast.

He looks over at Zach who is smiling over at him and gives a sleepy smile back. They are only about an hour out and have one or two more to go.

Carter had done almost 3 weeks of physical therapy to get walking and proper arm function back and was on his feet every opportunity he got. Hannah’s whereabouts are still unknown but she hasn't made any new disturbances.

Carter and Zach got a clearance to head back to their Home yesterday morning and Carter hasn't slept since then. He had some kind of muted crackhead feel from his fatigue and excitement mixing together in his stir crazy but tired body.

He slid over in the bench seat and pressed up against Zach.

“Did you have a memory dream?” Zach asks, keeping his eyes on the road but tilting his head towards Carter.

Every time he wakes up, Zach asks him this. Usually it's a yes, he has been recovering memories fast. Small things from when he was growing up, many different nights he had spent with Zach, his old Home.

He’s even had a few memories of Hannah. No more torture memories but he can feel them there, sitting in the back of his mind pushing to get to the front but being held back by his own consciousness and a little bit of magic.

“Mmhm. We fought a dragon.”

“Yeah? How’d we do?”

“Well, if my memory serves me correctly, which it isn't of late, it ended in a superb make out session and what I’m guessing was our first.”

Zach made a soft oh sound with his mouth, a blush heating up his cheeks, clearly remembering that day just as well as he can.

Carter tucked himself into Zach’s side, closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep.

~~~

“Carter.”

Someone was shaking him.

“Carter, we're here.”

It was Zach. He glared up at Zach, angry that he woke him up but then looked out the window and saw their Home. Carter scrambled across the seat and opened the door, hoping out to get a better look at the place.

It was a small ranch style house painted a dark grey, making it stand out in the predominantly green leaves of the plants and trees surrounding the area. It wasn't huge like Hannah’s but would be just perfect for 2 hunters.

He walked up to the house and carefully up the steps onto the porch, using the white painted railing for support. Carter went up to the blood red front door and turned to see Zach making his way over, both of their bags in hand.

Carter was basically bubbling with excitement as he watched Zach pull out his keys and unlock the door to the house. Zach walked in first, dropping the bags on the floor by a set of stairs just to the front left of the door.

There was a small reading room off to the left and a living room connected to a kitchen with a small table in between through an archway to the right. 

Carter walked briskly around the first floor, exploring the familiar rooms and looking at all the pictures of Zach and himself scattered throughout the house. 

He made it back to the stairs and grabbed the railing, making his way up the stairs. There was a large bed centered against the wall, a door to a bathroom and closet on the right, but the most amazing part was the window to the left of the bed that took up the entire wall.

It had long, dark curtains to cover it but when it was open, you could see deep into the trees of the surrounding forest. Carter walked up to the window, staring out over the green depths of the woods.

He heard Zach make his way upstairs and over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“This always was your favorite part about the house.” Zach smiled fondly.

“I can see why.”

Zach laughed and pulled Carter into a tight hug. “I’m so happy you're back.”

“Me too.”

“I’m going to go downstairs and start making some dinner, ok?”

“Mmhm, I’m going to look around more.”

“Ok,” Zach said, dropping a kiss onto Carter's forehead.

Zach left Carter to go and start dinner, leaving him to look out the huge window some more. He was so transfixed by the way the leaves shook in the wind to notice the approaching storm.

When the rain started falling, making gentle pattering noises on the ceiling, Carter leaned towards the window, wanting to get a better look. He feels like he hasn't seen rain in years.

He was so close to the window, his forehead basically pressed against the cool glass. A sudden flash of light followed by a loud roll of thunder shook the house, making Carter jump back from the window.

He was shaking, looking frantically around the room.

“No…”


	11. Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry yall but after this chapter I'm putting this story on hiatus. Love yall!<3

_ Carter crawled across the floor, trying to find a wall, a door, anything. He couldn't see through the bright strobe lights, blinking everything from black to white in rapid switches. _

_ He hadn't slept in days, every time he got close, the flashing began again. It hurt and with each time it happened, it only seemed to get worse. _

_ His head was throbbing. He squirmed around on the floor, no longer searching, just trying to make it stop. He couldn't hear over the pounding in his head and couldn't see even his own hand in front of his face. _

_ Carter dragged his hands on the floor, trying to pull himself away from the lights. _

_ “Carter...” _

_ He started screaming, he was going to lose it in here. _

_ “Carter, Carter, please.” _

_ He kept screaming, throwing his limbs out in all directions, swinging and kicking at anything and everything. _

_ “CARTER, COM’ON! PLEASE! WAKE UP!” _

The lights stopped. Carter looked around with wild eyes. It was dim in the room, the sound of rain pattering on the glass and roof echoed in his ears. He could see a face hovering a foot above his.

His first instinct was to strike out and defend himself but the face seemed so familiar. It didn't look to be moving to harm him either.

“Carter?” A voice wavered.

It was Zach. Carter opened his mouth to reply but his throat was dry, making him start coughing instead. Zach ran over to the bathroom and came back with a glass of water, handing it to Carter and watching him chug it gratefully.

“I had a flashback.” Carter rasped.

“I know but-but it looked like you were having a seizure and then you-you started screaming and I didnt know what to do.”

Carter looked at the rain hitting the window, “I-I think the lightning caused it.”

Zach picked Carter up off the floor and set him gently in the bed before walking over to the window and pulling shut the large curtains.

They tucked themselves under the warm blankets, facing each other from each side of the bed. It took no time at all for Zach to fall asleep. Carter closed his eyes but found himself unable to keep them shut. He kept opening them to look at Zach.

He looked so peaceful in his sleep, younger like in some of the memories. Carter stared at him. He felt a weird hollow in his chest, like something was missing. It was like he wasn't himself, but he was watching another version of him through past memories.

The memories seemed to fit into the puzzle but were different colors than the rest of it. They stick out like weird bumps on a carpet. Carter felt a rush of uncomfortable being in the bed with Zach.

Zach loves him, or what used to be him. And Carter loves Zach, or he thinks, he tries. He wants to go back to the time of his memories when he knew what was himself and what wasn't, the difference between a fantasy or nightmare and a flashback or memory.

Carefully, he got up from the bed and tip-toed his way downstairs to the living room grabbing a blanket off of a chair before curling up on the couch. Sleep came much faster now, its heavy grasp pulling him under.

~~~

Carter slumped forward in the chair, sharp bursts of pain spreading across his chest. Each ragged breath brought more waves of pain as the needles lodged in his chest moved beneath his skin.

“Sit  **up** !” Hannah barked, stomping forward.

She grabbed his hair and yanked his head backward. Carter released a mangled cry, blood oozing out from the small punctures. 

Hannah dropped his head and walked to the table that sat against the wall, dropping the red, plastic shafted darts on the table before pulling out the drawers and rummaging through them.

Carter watched out of the corner of his eye, taking deep heaving breaths. He was so tired he could barely move, Hannah hadn’t even tied him down. When Hannah stood up from the table and spun towards him, brandishing new toys, Carter's eyes widened in fear.

She walked over and pushed Carter’s chair up against the wooden wall behind him. Her thin fingers wrapped around his wrist and pulled his arm up, making him wiper at the sudden stretch.

Hannah pulled a nail out of her pocket and placed it in between her teeth, her lips drawn back in a smirk. She grabbed another nail and placed the cold point on the center of his palm, slowly spinning the nail back and forth between her fingers.

In one swift motion she stabbed the nail into the center of Carters hand, eliciting a yelp of pain from him. The nail, now in place, was stuck into his hand, allowing Hannah to use her hand to grab the hammer off her belt.

She brought the hammer up and swung hard onto the nail, driving it through Carter's hand and into the wood behind him. He shrieked as the cold metal split through his hand, cutting through tendons and scraping bits of bone.

She let go of his hand, smiling at the way the skin tugged and resisted against the nail pinning it to the wall. She took the second nail from her mouth and quickly lined it up on the same hand, driving it in just as quickly with a quick swoosh of the hammer.

Carter's screams got louder and more slobbery with tears and spit he couldn't swallow while gasping in pain from the darts still lodged in his chest and the metal spikes being hammered through his palms.

Once Hannah was satisfied with the way Carter sat, splayed out against his will on the wooden wall, trails of warm crimson blood trickling down his arms and chest, she went back to the table and picked up her darts.

She went back to her position in front of Carter, lining up her through before letting the dart fly across the room and land its mark on Carter's chest, making him cry out in pain. He writhes in his chair but couldn't move anywhere.

Hannah continued laughing with each dart that pierced his skin and all Carter could do was hope she didn't hit one of his eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and kudos!!! IT GIVES ME WRITING JUICES


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